Mistakes That Stops You From Understanding Others

I came to think that interpersonal awareness is a core requirement for one to survive in the real-life after school. It's one thing that was not taught in school. The relationship-building skills.

We were educated that the best way to understand another person lies in a deep understanding of who you are at baseline; which you can take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to learn about yourself or explore your communication styles with Whole Brain Thinking by Ned Herrmann etc. Over the years, we deceived ourselves to think that if we could understand our own personality, that would help us work with others better. What we don’t see here is, only focusing on our own personality won’t necessarily help us to work with others better.

Here’s the main point. We have not done enough work to understanding others working and thinking styles. This is the main currency in a world that involves collaboration with others.

Here's what I realized on the mistakes that stop us (for me at least) from understanding another person. It has got nothing to do with your knowledge and experience with those (above mentioned) psychological tools; but rather comes from a simple thing:

Mistake #1: Step into a conversation unprepared

Trying to have a casual conversation with someone doesn't mean that you shouldn't step into a conversation unprepared. Not asking yourself the purpose of the conversation first and only finding yourself to "win" or "punish" will not make a productive conversation.

What to do instead: Be clear of the conversation outcome

Mistake #2: Generalizing based on one event

Rather than taking the time to carefully consider a different example, you are intellectually lazy and generalize the other person's behavior.

What to do instead: Take the time carefully to consider a different perspective

Mistake #3: Think your way is the true way

This kind of bias refers to the tendency of judging and implying your way is the true way.

What to do instead: Monitor your bias

Mistake #4 : Undermining someone's strength

You like to hear yourself speak only about your strength; you often and habitually leave others to feel like they are filling up the space with any added value.

What to do instead: Respect that everyone is different. I wrote about “Their journey is mine” in my #3 newsletter on Next Step

Mistake #5: You have no rapport

You think everything is all about you. You listen only to respond and not to look for similarities with the other person

What to do instead: Get into a curious mindset and genuine interest to meet common ground with others

So, learn to pay attention to when your way and thinking are better than someone else's. Take a step back, notice this. Question your intent, and see if you are genuinely interested to know about another person's way.